A Celiac's Guide to Dating and Relationships

Finding love is hard enough before you add a health condition to the mix.

A lot of things in life become more complicated to navigate when you have celiac disease, from dining out to traveling to, yes, even dating and relationships. When I was diagnosed with celiac disease, I was already in a long-term relationship for around 10 years with my partner, Greg, and we were living together for about five years at the time.

I was lucky that he was on board with having our kitchen be gluten-free—and he’s always been game for trying gluten-free restaurants with me. (Seriously, sometimes he’s more excited at the prospect of trying a gluten-free restaurant when we travel than I am!)

Of course, it hasn’t always been easy—there was certainly a learning curve at the beginning as we both got up to speed on the celiac lifestyle and how careful I’d really need to be when eating to avoid getting accidentally “glutened.”

But he’s always been there to advocate for me—for example, he’s contacted restaurants on my behalf to ask if they have gluten-free options and how they prepare the food—which goes a long way toward easing some of the stress I’ve experienced from living with celiac disease.

Here I am with Greg in Bologna!

Sarah Bence, gluten-free travel blogger at Endless Distances, award-winning health and travel writer, and licensed occupational therapist, was diagnosed with celiac disease for one year when she met her now fiance, Dan. She was studying abroad in England then, and they’ve been together ever since.

“I’m American, so we’ve been on and off in an international long-distance relationship for a lot of that time, until finally in 2022 we quit our jobs to travel around the world together.” Bence completed her UK visa at the end of 2023 and just recently relocated to London to be with Dan permanently.

“When I met Dan, I’d only been gluten-free for just over a year,” says Bence. “To be honest, my doctor did not give me much information—and for the first couple of years, I did not avoid cross-contact as much as I should have. I continued to be sick, so it was a learning process over about five years to get to my current knowledge where I am extremely avoidant of cross-contact—and feel much better.”

Much like Greg and myself, Dan has been on the celiac journey with Sarah since the beginning and learned along the way.

“I had to teach Dan all about celiac and cross-contact at the beginning of our relationship—and I was still learning myself, so my needs evolved over time!—but it paid off,” says Bence. “He has seen me get extremely sick from gluten a number of times over the years, and I think that has driven it home how important it is for me to find safe gluten-free food; in fact, at this point, I would say Dan is even more careful about gluten than I am!”

To help you navigate the world of dating and relationships with celiac disease, I tapped both Bence and Alexa Prass, RDN, a registered dietitian living with celiac disease and the founder of Gluten Freedom Nutrition, for their best advice. (And keep reading until the end to hear what my and Bence’s partners have to say about dating someone with celiac disease!)

Dating and relationship challenges with celiac disease

Dating and relationships are hard enough before you add a health diagnosis to the mix. Some of the specific challenges of dating with celiac disease include:

• Disclosing your condition: If you’re currently dating, then perhaps the biggest challenge is deciding when to tell someone you have celiac disease. “Being open about your health condition is very personal,” says Prass. “Personally, I choose to tell people early on because I’m also out here in the world talking about my diagnosis.” Prass adds that she thinks it’s easier to be upfront about your celiac disease and let the other person know that you understand they may not know everything there is to know about keeping you safe right away. “But if you’re not willing to learn about my diagnosis and how to keep me safe, then a relationship with you isn’t going to work for me,” she says.

• Kissing: Early on in my diagnosis, I wondered whether it would be safe to kiss Greg immediately after he drank a beer or ate something with gluten in it while we were out. “There’s not a lot of data about this,” says Prass, “but the general recommendations are, if they’re actively eating something that’s glutinous, then don’t immediately go and make out with them.” So, maybe give it a little while or ask your date to quickly brush their teeth or use mouthwash if that’s feasible. And, as Prass notes, “There are other ways to show your affection.”

• Traveling: Bence says going on vacations early in her relationship with Dan was a challenge. “In my experience, celiacs have to travel quite differently to non-celiacs, especially if gluten-free restaurants are a priority,” she says. Bence explains that food and accessibility suddenly come to the forefront of every travel decision, which can seem stressful, limiting, or inconvenient to someone who isn’t used to living as a celiac. “Essentially, your partner has to change their travel style and expectations and this can be a learning curve,” adds Bence.

• Eating with your partner’s friends and family: One of the biggest challenges I had to navigate at the beginning of my diagnosis was how to handle dining at someone else’s home, including my partner’s family members and friends. Bence mentions a similar challenging experience. “Frequently, they’d want to cook meals for us, but this would require a lot of education on gluten-free ingredients, cross-contact, etc.—and I usually wouldn’t want to deal with that because I thought I came off as needy/bossy to someone that I didn’t really know yet. It just didn’t feel worth the effort.” What worked for Bence was to educate her partner about those things and for him to then educate his family or friends if they wanted to cook for her. “This takes some mental/emotional burden off of me and also makes it safer as they may be more receptive to him as they already know him very well,” she says.

Tips for navigating dating and relationships with celiac disease

Whether you’re casually dating or you’re in a relationship, there are a few things you (and your partner) can do to make things easier.

1. Go on a non-food date... So many social activities—including dating—revolve around food. But there are plenty of dates you can go on that don’t involve sitting at a restaurant. “You could always do coffee or go to a winery—or if you don’t want any food or beverage, you could go on a walk or go to a museum,” says Prass. If you have a shared interest—like if you both put on your dating profiles that you like running or biking—then consider doing one of those activities instead of going to a restaurant, adds Prass.

2. …Or ask if you can choose the restaurant for a date. If you’re planning a food-focused date, then consider talking to your date ahead of time and asking if you can go to a restaurant you’re familiar with, says Prass. This can help ensure you feel more comfortable on your date.

3. Focus on educating your partner. Teach your partner about celiac disease, cross-contact, and your specific needs and preferences, recommends Bence. “In time, your partner can start to help with the burden of celiac by ordering on your behalf, finding restaurants, communicating your needs, and preparing food.”

4. Be communicative with the other person—and patient. “Don’t expect them to know how to do everything off the bat,” says Bence. “Be direct in your communication and openly ask them to help with things because they may assume you don’t want or need their help.”

5. Set the right travel expectations. “Have a really frank conversation about your expectations before doing any kind of travel together,” suggests Bence. “Explain that the vacation might look different from what they’re used to because traveling with celiac can be difficult—and since they’re traveling with you, they’re going to get an immersion into that side of things!”

6. Don’t be shy about sharing what happens if you accidentally eat gluten. “Be open about what happens if you eat gluten—both internally as well as your symptoms,” says Bence. “Yes, this can be a little gross to talk about early on in a relationship, so you could say something like, ‘It’s really bad, downright debilitating, but a little bit TMI. Do you want me to go into detail?’ if you’re not comfortable sharing the ins and outs.” Bence thinks this can help the other person understand how serious celiac disease is and that you’re not just on a fad diet. “Hopefully, if they respect and care about you, they will want to do everything they can to help you not get sick,” she says.

What to do if your partner is the one with celiac disease

If you subscribe to my newsletter because you’re the partner of someone with celiac disease, then I thank you for being here and commend you for educating yourself! The best advice I—and the experts I interviewed for this piece—can give you is to be open to learning.

“If you’re not familiar with the diagnosis—or you don’t know anyone else that has this diagnosis—then you’re going to be learning a lot,” notes Prass. “If you’re going to date this person seriously, then you’re going to learn about what they can and can’t eat, how to read food labels, how to prepare food, and how to ask the right questions.”

Sometimes, you’re also going to have to advocate for your partner, adds Prass. “You might have to ask questions about the restaurant or be like, ‘No, they can’t eat that,’ if, for example, a restaurant serves them a salad with regular croutons on it,” she says. But also understand that at the end of the day, it’s the other person’s choice in what they want to do. “Sometimes I struggle with other people advocating for me and I don’t always want them to do it, so it’s a balance,” says Prass.

Finally, it’s important to realize that celiac disease is a chronic condition and that your partner might not always feel good, explains Prass. “Just go with it and do as much as you can to help them,” she says. “I think that comes with time—growing the relationship and that love for each other.”

Advice from the partners of celiacs

I couldn’t end this newsletter without allowing our significant others to share their insights.

My partner, Greg, notes that so much of relationships revolve around food—going out to eat, cooking dinner together, etc.—so you might need to be open to changing your lifestyle a little bit to accommodate your celiac partner.

For example, Greg says that eating fast food is significantly harder because gluten-free options don’t really exist at those types of establishments, “so you have to be ready to accept that you probably won’t be able to have fast food as quickly and conveniently as you used to.”

On the flip side, if you like fine dining, then you’ll likely enjoy yourself because many restaurants that cater to gluten-free tend to be very good, adds Greg. “They usually have diverse menus and make high-quality dishes,” he says. (Case in point: Kann, in Portland, which we were able to nab a reservation at on a trip we took a few months ago!)

Greg also says traveling can be a little bit trickier when one person has celiac disease—but it can also be fun to plan out your itinerary and get to experience some off-the-beaten-path restaurants.

Bence’s fiance, Dan, also shares his perspective as the partner of someone with celiac disease.

“Even when you get stressed, realize it’s more stressful for your partner with celiac,” he says. “For example, if they keep saying no to restaurants and you’re hungry, reframe this in your mind because it’s likely that your celiac partner is actually more hungry and also worried that they won’t find food they can eat.”

Dan adds that sometimes for your own enjoyment, it’s easier to just eat gluten-free—even if the food isn’t as good or is more expensive. “Your partner’s enjoyment and comfort matters more,” he says. “Also, then you’re not spending the time going to two different restaurants or making two different meals.”

Finally, Dan reiterates that your partner has a right to eat in comfort, “so take it as a team effort because it’s not just your partner’s job.”

Leave a comment and let me know what’s been your biggest dating challenge with celiac disease—and what’s worked to make the process easier for you!